Broken Inside
by splashgrl34
Summary: Emotions dont cause nuthin but trouble.". True or untrue? Spot finds out the hard way.


Neudel Bob 2001

Broken Inside-

Every one was cheering. I could hardly navigate through the sea of people to get to the person I needed to speak to. Yes. The strike was over. Yes. Now there would be fair pay. No. This didn't solve my problem. Not at all.

Towards the front I saw Jack Kelly. Everyone knew he was the leader. I hadn't spoken with him in awhile. I would have to catch up with him later…

LATER! I kept getting distracted. Where was it? The face I was looking for? The boy I was in love with? I had to find him. Then I saw it. A big carriage. With one occupant. The person I was looking for. I gasped and pushed furiously through the crowd to get to it.

I was finally jogging alongside it. "Hey! HEY SPOT!" I called. The boy in the carriage looked down, and I was met with cold blue eyes. "Sam?! Whadaya doin' heah?" he asked, voice tinted with anger. I panted, sprinting alongside the carriage. "I'm…here…to…, I…need…to, to-," I panted, breaking off because I was out of breath. I collapsed to my knees and watched hopelessly as the carriage drove away. I pounded my fist on the ground. NO! This had been going on for to long. I was going to settle it. Now. I climbed to my feet and began the walk to Brooklyn.

When finally I was in Brooklyn, I looked around. I was unfamiliar with the area. I stopped a man on the street.

"Excuse me sir? You wouldn't happen to know where the newsboys lodge house is would you?" I asked timidly. He nodded. "Couple blocks down the road kid. But I'd be careful if I was you. Lot o thugs an' such things down that way there is…" he muttered. I nodded. "Thanks so much mister."

He shrugged and walked away. I started in the direction he pointed. The alleyways were dark and forbidding. I kept my eyes straight ahead, not wanting to become involved in any trouble. Just when I had begun to think that I had gone in the wrong direction, a run down building came into view. I could read the hanging sign from where I stood. **Newsboys Lodge House**. I approached.

When I was standing in front of the door, preparing to go in, a boy came around the corner of the building.

"Hey! Who're you?" he asked, looking at me through narrowed eyes. I cleared my throat. "I'm uh, I'm looking for-"

"Lemme guess. You's looking for Spot righ'?" he said. I nodded. He laughed and shook his head. "Stay righ' there goil" he chuckled and entered the building. I swallowed.

A few minutes later, the same boy came out. Spot was walking behind him. His eyes narrowed when he saw me. "Get lost Johhny." He said to the other boy, who nodded and scurried away.

Neither of us spoke. I took a deep breath. "You got somethin' ta say da me?" Spot snapped. My heart began thumping, and then I calmed down. I was NOT going to be afraid of him. "I have A LOT to say to you." I replied. He smirked. "Hurry it up. I aint got all day ya know."

I blinked. "Ok. How come you haven't talked to me since last time I saw you?" I demanded. He shrugged. "Uh, were ya expectin' me to?" he asked. I glared at him. "Well, actually, yes! I was!" I said incredulously. He shrugged again. "Yer talkin' to me now, aint ya?" he said, walking away. I grabbed his arm, which he pulled back harshly. "Ya don't belong heah Samantha." he growled. I stared. "What?" I asked quietly. He looked around. "Dis is Brooklyn. Yer from Queens. Go back there an stay there." He said. It sounded like a warning. I swallowed hard. "But, you said that-"

He shook his head. "Why didja come heah anyway?" he asked. My hands balled into fists. "I thought you missed me. Like I missed you!" I exclaimed angrily. He frowned. "We didn't have anything serious. I thought ya knew dat!" he told me.

My voice caught in my throat. I couldn't say what I wanted to. He went on. "It was a fling. Jus fer fun!" he said, sounding like he was explaining this to a three year old.

I found my voice. "So every thing you told me was a lie? I was just a joke to you?" I whispered. He didn't answer. He just looked at the ground. Finally he said something. "Not a joke. It was good while it lasted. But emotions don't cause nuthin but trouble. So I don't got em." He said.

I swallowed hard, begging tears to not come. "I can't believe you would hurt someone like this. I thought you were different. I thought that the things people said about you being heartless were false. But I was stupid. You are heartless after all. And I was dumb enough to not see through you." I said, voice breaking. I turned away from him and began to walk away. He didn't call me back. He was cruel. He was heartless. He had broken my heart. Why couldn't I get over him?

Spot POV

What he had said was not all true. But he knew she wouldn't come back to him now. Not after what he did to her. Despite what he had said, he did feel bad for her. And he couldn't help feeling disgusted with him self for playing her like that.

The next day, as he watched the Bulls recover her body from an alley, he thought. He hadn't killed her. She had just gotten in the way of someone that didn't care. Some one like him. She had been just another fling. Hadn't she? No. She hadn't been. He had loved her. And he knew it. But he wasn't able to face the truth. Who was he kidding? Emotions causing him trouble! They only did if you wanted them to. He had messed up. He could have apologized and told the truth. But he was to damn proud to do that. Now this was what happened. It wasn't as if people would say that he, Spot Colons had killed her. He hadn't. But in his mind, he knew that he had. He had broken her heart unnecessarily. That was why she had run. And he would have to live with that for the rest of his life. He had no excuse. None at all.

He knew he was a coward. He was afraid to love. Instead of having his own heart broken, he had killed hers. He had been selfish. But he held his head up. He wouldn't break on the outside. Inside he had broken a long time ago.


End file.
